g r a n t    s c h a m p e l

The following are some "quotable quotes" by the late Grant Schampel, who used his wit and insight to both entertain and inform the people around him. Although it has been many years since his passing, he is still missed by the people whose lives he had touched.

I hope the following gives you a chuckle; I know it did for me. :-)


Ken Ray
Sons of Thunder Software

The Software Workaround Lowerarchy
(from "The Ways of Doing Things in Programs (WODTIPs)"

Gem: invaluable, elegant, idiomatic; accomplishing much with little.

Technique: solid, stolid code; unexceptional and unexceptionable.

Trick: solid but not stolid; useful and surprising, but not elegant.

Workaround: workman (or woman, of course) -like solution to a deficiency in the language.

Hack: clumsy solution to a deficiency in the language.

Kludge: tricky, inscrutable way to do something otherwise impossible.

Jury-Rig: complex, fragile way to do something otherwise impossible.

Abomination: ugly, labyrinthine way of doing something easy.

Atrocity: the worst of all of the above: clumsy, tricky, fragile, labyrinthine, and one thing more: destructive of the program containing it or of the data on which it operates, or possibly even of the health of the user; certainly of the soul of the developer perpetrating it.

Why God Was Denied Tenure

Because he had only one major publication.
And it was in Hebrew.
And it had no cited references.
And it wasn't published in a referred journal or even submitted for peer review.
And some even doubt he wrote it himself.
It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since then?
The scientific community has had a very rought time trying to replicate his results.
He rarely came to class; he just told his students to read the book.
He expelled his first two students for learning.
Although there were only ten requirements, most students failed his tests.
His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountain top.